It is all about the Flow!

Friendship is defined as a state of mutual trust and support between two parties. In order to have a true friendship one must understand how the other person thinks. This is true in all relationships.   You cannot just assume their mindset is exactly like yours is.  This is why true friends are hard to find.  

Too many of us put our own thoughts and insecurities on those around us. We automatically assume that our friends will react or think exactly like we do.  Sometimes this is true, but not everyone is the same as we are.  For instance, what may offend you may not offend someone else.  What may flatter you may not be flattering to others.  Some people may want to talk daily and others may touch base with their friends a less often.  One way is not better then the other.  They are just different.

The mistake many of us make is that we try to put each of our friends in the same box.  If one of them steps out of this box, then we think that they are not a real friend.  I have been in situations where some of my friends NEED to talk daily and I am just not this way.  It does not mean that I do not care or that I am ignoring you.  It simply means that we flow differently.  What I have learned to do is let those around me know how I am & I do my best to learn what makes them tick.  For those that need a bit more communication I will try to reach out more often.  For those that are like myself and need less contact I know I do not have to be there as often.  I still consider both people valuable to my life.  I just apply different ways of dealing with them. The key is to adapt accordingly to each individual. 

Issues arise when only one person is doing most of the adapting.  For instance when you see yourself being there for someone on a regular basis, but when you need them they are no where to be found.  Or maybe they are a bit more needy and you are doing your best to reach out, but it does not ever seem like it is enough.    Another issue is when someone consistently assumes how you will react or think based on their own though processes.  You will find them putting words in your mouth that you never even thought to say.  Or maybe they will say things that they know would offend them, but because they know you are strong they do not think you will get upset.  (Almost like you have no feelings of your own.) Both of these situations need to be evaluated.

​If you find yourself in this situation it is imperative you talk to your friend.  Let them know what the way the are treating you is not acceptable.  Inform them that they are projecting their insecurities onto you or that you are doing your best to be there for them.  Maybe they are not aware that you are going through a tough time & that you need them just as much.  They may not comprehend what they are doing.  Whatever the issue is  communication is key in resolving it.  In the end we set the standard for the way we are treated. This is what builds the strongest foundation for any relationship.